1 00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:05,047 "...and his eyes had all the seeming of the demons 2 00:00:05,214 --> 00:00:07,174 that is dreaming. 3 00:00:07,341 --> 00:00:12,304 And the lamplight o'er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor. 4 00:00:12,471 --> 00:00:16,350 And my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor, 5 00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:21,355 shall be lifted... never more." 6 00:00:22,940 --> 00:00:25,817 Oh, boy, Doc, you tell great stories. 7 00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:28,153 That was Poe. 8 00:00:28,320 --> 00:00:30,364 Don't be modest. It was great. 9 00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:36,662 So, who's next to chill us with a scary story, huh? 10 00:00:36,828 --> 00:00:39,248 Well, I think I have a chilling tale. 11 00:00:39,414 --> 00:00:41,458 Yeah, but it's cute when you wiggle it. 12 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,086 I'm sorry. 13 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:48,173 I got the greatest ghost story ever told. 14 00:00:48,340 --> 00:00:49,967 Now, it seems that Casper got caught 15 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:51,969 in this huge laundry basket full of sheets-- 16 00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:53,512 Don't finish it, Coach. 17 00:00:53,679 --> 00:00:55,556 Some of us want to be able to sleep tonight. 18 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,432 Yeah, you're right, Carla. 19 00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:00,477 It's best that I live with it myself. 20 00:01:00,936 --> 00:01:03,021 My God, what a horrible sight. 21 00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:07,192 Speaking of horrible sights, Coach, take a look at... 22 00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:09,903 - this! - Ahh! 23 00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,896 Two vodka, rocks with a twist. 24 00:02:26,063 --> 00:02:27,147 Well, Frasier... 25 00:02:27,314 --> 00:02:30,484 didn't I tell you that Halloween at Cheers would be fun? 26 00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:32,110 Yes, but I won't hold it against you. 27 00:02:32,611 --> 00:02:34,613 Listen, I was able to get those two tickets 28 00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:36,031 to the Boston Pops tomorrow night. 29 00:02:36,198 --> 00:02:37,115 Oh, wonderful! 30 00:02:37,282 --> 00:02:39,868 Oh, you guys are going' to the Boston Pops, huh? 31 00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:41,161 Ooh, I'm jealous. 32 00:02:41,328 --> 00:02:42,329 You sound like a fan, Sam. 33 00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:43,664 Oh, yeah. 34 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,375 Actually, the Boston Pops was the one cultural event, 35 00:02:46,541 --> 00:02:48,251 albeit heavily sugarcoated, 36 00:02:48,418 --> 00:02:49,795 that Sam genuinely liked. 37 00:02:49,961 --> 00:02:51,380 Oh, yeah, yeah. 38 00:02:51,546 --> 00:02:55,759 I especially like the, uh, "18-somethingth Overture." 39 00:02:55,926 --> 00:02:56,760 1812. 40 00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:59,179 Hey, you really know your stuff. 41 00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:00,138 Yeah. 42 00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:03,850 You know, till Diane dragged me to that concert, 43 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:07,938 I never realized just how many years of practice and dedication 44 00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:10,190 it takes to become a classical musician. 45 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,067 Well, anyone in particular impress you? 46 00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:15,070 Oh, yeah, yeah. The, uh, guy on the cannons. 47 00:03:15,946 --> 00:03:16,947 He's incredible. 48 00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:18,657 You know... 49 00:03:18,824 --> 00:03:20,701 I mean, I actually thought about taking it up myself, 50 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,285 but I think it's one of those things 51 00:03:22,452 --> 00:03:23,161 that you have to... 52 00:03:23,328 --> 00:03:25,455 you have to start when you're very, very young. 53 00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:26,873 Yes. 54 00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:29,584 They say to be truly great, you do, yes. 55 00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:30,711 Yeah, that's what I thought. 56 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,882 You know, sometimes I think 57 00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:38,927 that Sam is actually pretending to be less intelligent 58 00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:40,345 than he really is. 59 00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:44,307 But how intelligent would someone have to be 60 00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:47,978 to successfully pretend to be that dumb? 61 00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:52,065 Boy, I'm not even sure that I could pull it off. 62 00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,066 Oh, yes you could. 63 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,695 Ew, yuck! 64 00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:04,286 I'm sorry, Carla, if we offended you 65 00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:06,079 with our public display of affection, 66 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,789 but try to understand. 67 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:12,961 Frasier Crane has the same effect on me that cheap Chianti 68 00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:16,006 and dice hanging from a rear view mirror have on you. 69 00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,678 Boy, you got it bad. 70 00:04:24,014 --> 00:04:26,308 Hello, everyone, and a happy All Hallows' Eve. 71 00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:33,815 Guess who I am. 72 00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:34,983 Cliff Clavin. 73 00:04:37,402 --> 00:04:39,738 No, Coach, let me give you a hint. 74 00:04:39,905 --> 00:04:42,908 I went to Florida to find the Fountain of Youth. 75 00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,367 Cliff Clavin. 76 00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,914 Oh, Coach, I'm Ponce de León. 77 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,874 Well, I think your ears are too big. 78 00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:52,751 Oh, for Ponce de León? 79 00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:54,127 No, for you, Cliff ie. 80 00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,463 Oh, I don't know, Coach. 81 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,632 I happen to be very proud of my big ears. 82 00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:01,676 I mean a lot of women consider them erogenous zones 83 00:05:01,843 --> 00:05:03,136 during heavy petting. 84 00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:05,847 Are you kidding? 85 00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:07,474 You never had a date in your life. 86 00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:10,644 Yeah, and that's only because he's never had the guts to ask a girl out. 87 00:05:11,853 --> 00:05:13,855 Guts-- it's got nothing' to do with guts. 88 00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:16,483 It's just that the type of woman you find up here 89 00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:18,360 in the northeastern seaboard bore me. 90 00:05:18,527 --> 00:05:20,904 See, I prefer your southern belles. 91 00:05:21,071 --> 00:05:23,365 You know, the kind of women you find down there in Florida. 92 00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:26,409 Oh no, he's going to go on about Florida again. 93 00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:27,494 Oh, hey, hey, hey, 94 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:30,163 suffice it to say when I was down there, I was covered with women. 95 00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:31,957 Sure they weren't mosquitoes? 96 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:35,460 Yeah, thank you, Bob Hopeless. 97 00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,797 I think I'll just go in the back and scope out the dollies. 98 00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:42,133 Why don't you guys lighten up on Cliff, huh? 99 00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:45,512 Yeah, sorry, Sam, but you gotta admit 100 00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:46,847 it's a little bit weird, isn't it? 101 00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:48,807 I mean, he's never been married. 102 00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,642 I've never even seen him with a woman. 103 00:05:50,809 --> 00:05:52,894 Hey, Norm-- Norm, he's your best friend. 104 00:05:53,061 --> 00:05:54,229 Is he gay or what? 105 00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,481 I can't believe what I'm hearing! 106 00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:59,359 You can't tell a gay guy by his appearance. 107 00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:03,029 We had an outfielder on the Red Sox, Duke Roberts. 108 00:06:03,196 --> 00:06:06,324 I mean, he never got married, he never went with girls, 109 00:06:06,491 --> 00:06:08,702 he even wore those fancy Italian shoes. 110 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:11,079 And he lived with a guy who was a florist. 111 00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:13,206 And Duke wasn't gay. 112 00:06:14,833 --> 00:06:15,917 Yes, he was, Coach. 113 00:06:16,084 --> 00:06:20,505 He... he was? 114 00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:22,591 You think he'd like to meet Cliff ie? 115 00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:23,884 Oh, come on. 116 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,514 Come on, guys. 117 00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:31,725 Cliff is not gay, all right? 118 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,518 He's just shy around women, 119 00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:35,645 to the point of being a blithering idiot. 120 00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:40,609 Diane, that was a colleague of mine on the phone, a Reichian analyst. 121 00:06:40,775 --> 00:06:41,568 He's taken ill. 122 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,278 He wants me to take his place tomorrow 123 00:06:43,445 --> 00:06:45,488 at an all-day seminar on multiple personality 124 00:06:45,655 --> 00:06:47,032 at the University of Chicago, 125 00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:49,326 so I've gotta go home and pack. 126 00:06:49,784 --> 00:06:51,828 We won't be able to go to the concert. 127 00:06:51,995 --> 00:06:53,955 Well, I won't, but you can still go. 128 00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:58,251 Listen, uh, take along a friend and, well, Sam indicated some interest. 129 00:06:58,418 --> 00:07:00,587 Sam? 130 00:07:01,296 --> 00:07:04,132 I think I could find more stimulating company 131 00:07:04,299 --> 00:07:05,342 for the concert. 132 00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:08,929 I wouldn't have to look any farther than the nearest petri dish. 133 00:07:11,473 --> 00:07:15,352 But, once again, I am startled by how far you are 134 00:07:15,518 --> 00:07:18,897 above petty emotion like jealousy. 135 00:07:19,064 --> 00:07:20,732 Well, I just figured it was time 136 00:07:20,899 --> 00:07:23,568 Sam learned to appreciate instruments without fuses. 137 00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,197 Goodbye, my tiny Alice. 138 00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:29,324 Mmm, goodbye, my mad Mad Hatter. 139 00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:31,868 Well, there are many theories 140 00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,329 as to why the Florida orange is far superior 141 00:07:34,496 --> 00:07:35,664 to its California counterpart. 142 00:07:36,331 --> 00:07:38,833 Now I personally think it's the trace mineral element 143 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:40,168 in the Floridian water. 144 00:07:40,335 --> 00:07:43,630 That's obviously due to the frequency of the typhoons 145 00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:46,549 and the nitrogen-rich alligator guano. 146 00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:50,679 - Now, furthermore, there's three point... - Say... 147 00:07:50,845 --> 00:07:53,181 I just remembered I left my oven on. 148 00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:56,393 If I hurry home, I can stick my head in it. 149 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,235 Florida oranges are delicious. 150 00:08:10,198 --> 00:08:10,991 What? 151 00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,492 Nothing. Nothing. 152 00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:20,041 Have you, uh, been to Florida? 153 00:08:20,208 --> 00:08:25,338 No, but it's always been a crazy dream of mine to go. 154 00:08:26,297 --> 00:08:28,133 I read that they have 155 00:08:28,299 --> 00:08:30,969 the world's largest pair of alligator shoes there. 156 00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:34,514 That's right! In Orlando! 157 00:08:34,681 --> 00:08:36,433 I even sat in one of them. 158 00:08:38,101 --> 00:08:39,227 Yeah. Yeah. 159 00:08:41,062 --> 00:08:42,063 What's your name? 160 00:08:42,230 --> 00:08:45,442 Tinker Bell. What's yours? 161 00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:48,987 Me? Uh, I guess it's Ponce de León. 162 00:08:49,154 --> 00:08:52,991 Oh, the Fountain of Youth guy that discovered Florida. 163 00:08:53,158 --> 00:08:55,535 Would you marry me and bear my children? 164 00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:02,083 Say, would you like to go in the back 165 00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:03,710 and maybe play some pool? 166 00:09:03,877 --> 00:09:07,130 Or as they say in Tallahassee, shoot some pocket billiards? 167 00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:09,924 Oh, I'd love to, Mr. León. 168 00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:13,344 Oh, please, call me Ponce. 169 00:09:14,596 --> 00:09:19,017 It looks like you're out to conquer new territory, Ponce. 170 00:09:20,852 --> 00:09:22,479 Holy God! 171 00:09:55,011 --> 00:09:59,182 Oh, did anyone ever tell you you dance divinely, Ponce? 172 00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:01,643 Well, yeah, someone did mention it to me the other day. 173 00:10:01,810 --> 00:10:04,771 See, was that Cortés or Pizarro? 174 00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:09,192 Sam, I'm ready to go. Would you hand me my purse. 175 00:10:09,359 --> 00:10:11,069 I'll put a new tune on the jukebox. 176 00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:15,782 I'm not using a pair of tickets tomorrow for the Boston Pops... 177 00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:19,786 And you're welcome to have them if you're interested. 178 00:10:20,870 --> 00:10:23,373 Uh, no, no, no thank you. 179 00:10:24,082 --> 00:10:25,291 Oh, you'll enjoy it! 180 00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:28,920 The program is an evening filled with fireworks 181 00:10:29,087 --> 00:10:30,171 and laser beams, 182 00:10:30,338 --> 00:10:33,758 occasionally interrupted with the music of Gershwin. 183 00:10:33,925 --> 00:10:36,970 Ah, oh, boy, 184 00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,180 I just can't think of who I'd take. 185 00:10:39,347 --> 00:10:41,307 Most of the women I date 186 00:10:41,474 --> 00:10:44,561 don't like music they can't dance to. 187 00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:49,149 Most of the women you date don't like music they can't shed clothing to. 188 00:10:55,613 --> 00:10:57,282 How come you don't wanna go? 189 00:10:57,448 --> 00:10:58,324 Oh, I do. 190 00:10:58,491 --> 00:10:59,826 But Frasier's out of town, 191 00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:02,662 and I can't think of anyone I'd like to go with. 192 00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:08,668 I guess, uh, Frasier would feel uncomfortable 193 00:11:08,835 --> 00:11:10,336 if you and I went, huh? 194 00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:14,007 No, actually, he suggested it. 195 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:17,510 Well, so, you'd be uncomfortable, huh? 196 00:11:18,970 --> 00:11:20,555 Not at all. 197 00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:24,809 While you still harbor tortured longings for me... 198 00:11:26,352 --> 00:11:29,022 the emotions are so completely unreciprocated 199 00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,232 I don't see why we shouldn't go together. 200 00:11:31,399 --> 00:11:32,442 Then it's a date. 201 00:11:32,609 --> 00:11:34,402 Um, no, not a date. 202 00:11:34,569 --> 00:11:36,404 I mean, not a "date" date. 203 00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:39,157 Well, it's, uh... 204 00:11:39,324 --> 00:11:41,743 what would you call an evening out with a woman 205 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:44,871 when you have absolutely no hope 206 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,873 of physical involvement whatsoever? 207 00:11:47,624 --> 00:11:49,083 A first. 208 00:12:09,771 --> 00:12:11,189 I'm sorry. 209 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,900 Oh, I guess it's time 210 00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:16,402 I be heading back to Never-Never Land. 211 00:12:17,946 --> 00:12:19,822 Uh, let me walk you back to your car-- 212 00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:22,909 Oh, no, no, that's okay. It's right outside here. 213 00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:28,164 But I just want to know, oh... 214 00:12:28,331 --> 00:12:30,124 when we're going to see each other again. 215 00:12:30,291 --> 00:12:33,169 Actually, we haven't seen each other at all yet. 216 00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:35,964 Oh, I know! 217 00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:40,176 Let's meet tomorrow night right here on this very spot as ourselves, 218 00:12:40,343 --> 00:12:42,053 - at 8:00. - Okay. 219 00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,097 And... and... 220 00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,182 don't you be a minute late. 221 00:12:58,194 --> 00:13:00,571 Nice enough young person, huh, Sam? 222 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,408 Way to go, Cliff ie! 223 00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:05,785 What do you mean, "Way to go, Cliff ie"? 224 00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:08,079 You know, if I didn't know you, 225 00:13:08,246 --> 00:13:10,415 I'd say that you were pretty smooth tonight. 226 00:13:10,581 --> 00:13:14,127 Oh, Sam, I think I resent that a little bit. 227 00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:15,295 Well, that's okay. 228 00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,297 You probably just think you know me a lot better 229 00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:18,715 than you really do, huh? 230 00:13:18,881 --> 00:13:22,302 No, Sam, tonight wasn't really all that unusual for me. 231 00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:24,512 Come on, Cliff. 232 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:26,014 No, really, Sam, it was commonplace, really. 233 00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:27,473 Cliff... 234 00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:29,517 What? 235 00:13:29,684 --> 00:13:31,394 Okay, three, two, one-- 236 00:13:31,561 --> 00:13:33,313 Hooray! I got a date! 237 00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:42,905 - Thank you, Sam. - Yeah, yeah. 238 00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:55,918 Well, here we are. 239 00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:58,963 Yeah, thank you for the ride home, and... 240 00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:01,007 and thank you very much for the concert. 241 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:04,010 Boy, I tell you, that, that Gershwin's a genius. 242 00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:14,771 Yeah, the mark of a great composer-- 243 00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:17,648 When the audience leaves humming your fireworks. 244 00:14:19,359 --> 00:14:20,193 I had a great time. 245 00:14:21,277 --> 00:14:22,236 Me, too. 246 00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:24,364 I haven't had such a good time since, um... 247 00:14:24,530 --> 00:14:25,490 That's okay. 248 00:14:25,656 --> 00:14:27,784 I know when you stopped having good times, Diane. 249 00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:32,955 It goes without saying 250 00:14:33,122 --> 00:14:34,749 that I would have had a better time 251 00:14:34,916 --> 00:14:36,334 if I had gone with Frasier. 252 00:14:36,501 --> 00:14:37,710 Me, too. 253 00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:40,671 Thanks for a lovely evening. 254 00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:42,382 By the way... 255 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:45,134 How did you like our first outing 256 00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:48,596 with no promise or threat of sexual encounter? 257 00:14:48,763 --> 00:14:50,056 You're not out that door yet. 258 00:15:00,316 --> 00:15:01,442 Good evening, everybody. 259 00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:08,616 Yeah, hey, uh... 260 00:15:08,783 --> 00:15:10,868 can I have a beer, please, Coach? 261 00:15:11,285 --> 00:15:12,453 Hey, this one's on me, Coach. 262 00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:13,788 - Oh, thanks, Norm. - Yeah. 263 00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:17,208 - Cliff ie... - Thank you, Norm 264 00:15:17,375 --> 00:15:19,627 Ah, yeah... 265 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:21,963 Well... 266 00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:25,633 Well, what? 267 00:15:27,385 --> 00:15:30,680 Well, last I saw, you were dancing together. 268 00:15:30,847 --> 00:15:31,848 Yeah, so? 269 00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:35,393 So... you know. 270 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:37,812 No, Norm, I don't know. 271 00:15:39,313 --> 00:15:41,732 He wants to know if you boinked her, you dink. 272 00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:47,989 Oh, good God, Norm. 273 00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,534 Now look, don't you know that psychologists believe 274 00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:53,286 that one night of meaningless pleasure 275 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,913 can just get in the way of any kind of long term commitment? 276 00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:56,914 Is that true, Sam? 277 00:15:57,081 --> 00:15:58,624 I rely on it. 278 00:16:02,670 --> 00:16:05,673 She's meeting me here tonight at eight o'clock. 279 00:16:06,674 --> 00:16:07,675 Eight o'clock. 280 00:16:07,842 --> 00:16:09,469 Cliff, I don't believe this. 281 00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,345 You're meeting a woman in 15 minutes. 282 00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:12,722 I don't believe how calm you are. 283 00:16:12,889 --> 00:16:14,098 Oh, hey, come on, Norm, 284 00:16:14,265 --> 00:16:15,391 don't tell me that you, too, 285 00:16:15,558 --> 00:16:18,644 subscribe to that myth about my discomfiture with women. 286 00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:22,482 Cliff ie, I was here one night a woman asked you what time it was. 287 00:16:22,648 --> 00:16:24,233 You swallowed the lower half of your face. 288 00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:28,863 Well, Norm, obviously you know nothing about body language. 289 00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:31,949 That gesture is replete with erotic message. 290 00:16:32,116 --> 00:16:33,409 To a baboon, maybe. 291 00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,036 All right, all right, all right, all right. 292 00:16:35,203 --> 00:16:37,330 I... I admit that in the past 293 00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:38,706 I've been a little shy around women, 294 00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:40,416 but you know, 295 00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:41,834 I've been thinking' about it 296 00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:43,628 and I don't think there's been any real reason 297 00:16:43,794 --> 00:16:45,796 for my, uh, you know, insecurities. 298 00:16:46,631 --> 00:16:48,299 As a matter of fact, watch this. 299 00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:49,300 Sam? 300 00:16:49,467 --> 00:16:50,551 Lighter. 301 00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:58,142 May I? 302 00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:03,606 Thank you. 303 00:17:03,773 --> 00:17:06,651 Uh, you're very wel... 304 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:08,945 I mean, you're welco-- ome. 305 00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:11,447 You're wel... 306 00:17:13,115 --> 00:17:14,617 You're very extremely... 307 00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:28,089 I think he's too damn smooth for his own good. 308 00:17:32,301 --> 00:17:33,844 No, no, no. 309 00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:39,433 I'm such a wimp. I'm such a wuss. 310 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:40,643 I'm such a weenie. 311 00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:42,436 God, am I a dink! 312 00:17:42,603 --> 00:17:45,731 Cliff, I know you're nervous about meeting a girl, 313 00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:47,191 but this one's different. 314 00:17:47,358 --> 00:17:49,235 You know her already. You danced with her all night long. 315 00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:51,988 I didn't dance with her, Norm. Ponce de León danced with her. 316 00:17:52,154 --> 00:17:53,531 No, you danced with her. 317 00:17:53,698 --> 00:17:55,741 No, it wasn't me. I was just playing a role. 318 00:17:55,908 --> 00:17:58,995 Tonight I'm me. A middle aged, tongue-tied yutz. 319 00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:00,246 All right, Cliff. 320 00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:01,872 I want you to listen to me for a minute. 321 00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:04,375 There's been a lot of talk about you in this bar recently, 322 00:18:04,542 --> 00:18:06,961 and the one who always winds up defending you is me. 323 00:18:07,128 --> 00:18:08,129 I don't mind. 324 00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:09,505 That's what best friends are for. 325 00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:11,257 But it's almost 8:00, Cliff ie, 326 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:14,552 and the one woman in the world weird enough for you to have a shot at 327 00:18:14,719 --> 00:18:16,012 may be standing right outside that door. 328 00:18:16,178 --> 00:18:18,389 You blow this, I don't even wanna look at you. 329 00:18:19,974 --> 00:18:21,559 Ah, stop it, will you, Norm? 330 00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:23,519 Knock it off. 331 00:18:25,146 --> 00:18:26,105 Norm! 332 00:18:28,816 --> 00:18:29,984 Normie! 333 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,325 Okay, I'll go out there. 334 00:18:42,705 --> 00:18:44,123 Thanks. 335 00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:45,416 I love you, big guy! 336 00:18:46,250 --> 00:18:47,918 Give her a try first. 337 00:18:48,085 --> 00:18:49,503 If it, uh, doesn't work out, 338 00:18:49,670 --> 00:18:50,504 we can talk. 339 00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:32,588 Come on, Cliff ie, if she comes downstairs now 340 00:19:32,755 --> 00:19:34,090 and sees you standing there, 341 00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:35,758 she's going to know you've been there for six hours. 342 00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:38,636 I mean, that looks pretty... pretty desperate. 343 00:19:38,803 --> 00:19:40,096 Yeah, so? 344 00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:43,766 That's the way it is, isn't it? 345 00:19:43,933 --> 00:19:45,851 I mean, this is what love comes to. 346 00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,770 I want to remember this, Sammy. 347 00:19:48,646 --> 00:19:50,231 Somebody take my picture. 348 00:19:51,982 --> 00:19:52,775 Come on, Cliff, come on. 349 00:19:52,942 --> 00:19:54,735 Come on, it's on me. 350 00:19:54,902 --> 00:19:55,695 Sit down. 351 00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,071 I guess you're right. 352 00:19:57,613 --> 00:19:59,699 No more illusions about happiness for me. 353 00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:03,035 I'm just going to sit right here and drink myself into oblivion. 354 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,745 No, you're not. 355 00:20:06,247 --> 00:20:08,416 You'll just have two problems that way. 356 00:20:08,582 --> 00:20:10,584 Aw, why'd she stand me up? 357 00:20:11,335 --> 00:20:12,712 Well, that does it. 358 00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:14,547 From now on, I'm going to let my grooming and appearance 359 00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:15,631 go right to hell. 360 00:20:17,299 --> 00:20:19,510 And you think the results will be noticeable? 361 00:20:21,846 --> 00:20:22,763 Thank you, Carla. 362 00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:25,224 I want abuse piled on me tonight. 363 00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:27,560 Maybe I'll get it through my thick head that I'm nothing but a loser. 364 00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:31,313 You know what my nickname was in high school? 365 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:32,982 No, you never told us. 366 00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:34,817 That's 'cause I didn't have one, Coach. 367 00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:38,404 I tried to get one started. 368 00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:39,989 You know, made it up myself. 369 00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,242 Courteous Cliff. 370 00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:46,620 Courteous Cliff? 371 00:20:46,787 --> 00:20:48,664 As long as you were making it up yourself, 372 00:20:48,831 --> 00:20:49,957 couldn't you have done a little better? 373 00:20:50,124 --> 00:20:52,293 Eh, I didn't want to arouse suspicion, Normie. 374 00:20:55,921 --> 00:20:58,591 Ah, you know, I hear there's a tribe of men in the Middle East 375 00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,426 called the, uh, Essenites. 376 00:21:00,593 --> 00:21:02,052 They-- they're entirely celibate. 377 00:21:02,219 --> 00:21:03,095 They live without women, 378 00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:06,056 and rumor has it that they are the happiest men in the world. 379 00:21:06,223 --> 00:21:09,268 Tomorrow I'm going to send for their brochure. 380 00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:17,026 Hello, Cheers. 381 00:21:17,193 --> 00:21:20,070 No, there's no Ponce de León here! 382 00:21:21,113 --> 00:21:23,073 We don't have Prince Albert in the can! 383 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,034 Why don't you do your homework and go to bed-- 384 00:21:25,201 --> 00:21:26,285 Coach! Coach! 385 00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:29,288 Coach, uh, I think that might be for me. 386 00:21:30,998 --> 00:21:31,791 Hello? 387 00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:33,459 Yeah, this... 388 00:21:35,628 --> 00:21:36,670 Really? 389 00:21:38,172 --> 00:21:39,173 No, I understand. 390 00:21:39,340 --> 00:21:41,091 Yeah, I-- I understand. 391 00:21:42,718 --> 00:21:43,677 Okay. 392 00:21:43,844 --> 00:21:44,762 All right. 393 00:21:44,929 --> 00:21:45,721 Bye. 394 00:21:49,558 --> 00:21:50,893 Isn't that something'? 395 00:21:52,102 --> 00:21:54,688 She was afraid to meet me without her mask on. 396 00:21:56,816 --> 00:21:59,068 I actually made a woman nervous. 397 00:22:01,278 --> 00:22:02,571 That's incredible, isn't it? 398 00:22:03,405 --> 00:22:05,908 So, you two going to get together? 399 00:22:06,075 --> 00:22:09,495 Yeah, she's, uh, at a pay phone across the street. 400 00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:11,539 She said she's coming right over. 401 00:22:13,499 --> 00:22:14,333 All right. 402 00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:15,501 Way to go, Cliff ie, yeah? 403 00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:16,502 Well, let's not stand here. 404 00:22:16,669 --> 00:22:17,503 We'll be up here. 405 00:22:17,670 --> 00:22:18,420 Yeah. 406 00:22:18,587 --> 00:22:20,297 Come here. Okay. 407 00:22:20,464 --> 00:22:21,674 - Thank you, Coach. - Now, Cliff, 408 00:22:21,841 --> 00:22:24,510 we don't want to have to eavesdrop, 409 00:22:24,677 --> 00:22:26,262 so keep your stupid remarks loud. 410 00:22:53,414 --> 00:22:54,248 Hello. 411 00:22:55,124 --> 00:22:56,542 Hi. 412 00:23:01,547 --> 00:23:02,673 I'm Club Clufford. 413 00:23:04,592 --> 00:23:05,718 Sorry. 414 00:23:07,553 --> 00:23:09,722 I'm Cliff Clavin. 415 00:23:11,348 --> 00:23:12,683 I'm Harry O'Share. 416 00:23:14,018 --> 00:23:15,561 Sharon Hair... 417 00:23:16,770 --> 00:23:19,857 I mean, I'm Sharon O'Hare.